How to be a Raver: Preparing for the Apocalypse

All these corona restrictions and lockdowns and the never-ending labyrinth of rules-and-regulations are not fun for anyone. But they are PARTICULARLY NOT FUN AT ALL for junglist and ravers!

Because this is what we like to do:

Squeezing onto a boat and feeling free and happy and enjoying the sunrise on Pirate Party Pack mornings.

And this:

Just a normal, excellent night out back in the Days of Freedom. Open sky, great music, dancing, dj’s spinning proper vinyl, summer vibes, hugging, hands in the air, soap bubbles.

And this:

This is Fusion 2013. Oh happy days.

And this:

Traffic closed down for the day? Out with the speakers! Let’s gather up and have some fun.

And this:

Just dancing and being nice and enjoying nature and the early morning hours.

“Restrictions” are the opposite of raving.
Here is a photo of the spirit animal of all ravers during these restricted times, looking at what we have lost:

This is also a photo of Palle Flinkenstein at Fusion, waiting for the drum’n’bass tent to open.

We also know that this entire corona thing would be a LOT more fun if ravers were in charge (of the mask thing, for instance). Because ravers are just a thousand times better at it.

Proof that ravers are better at the mask thing.
More proof.
And more proof.
And more proof. Ravers can make masks out of ANYTHING in NO TIME if they need to.
Here’s Tom Collins making a mask out of nothing in TWO SECONDS.
Here’s Swingsen, making a mask out of a plastic bag for Tim Driver.
And more proof. This is Chriszka the Time Traveller, having tons of fun inside the mask, killing invisible enemies.

Speaking of enemies, we also know that ravers have been preparing for the apocalypse for decades. Junglists have been expecting dark future time lines pretty much always, twentyforseventhreesixfive.

If you need proof, check out my junglistic Pandemic Playlist. The track titles reveal the truth: “Sick Note”. “No Cure”. “Half-Truth”. “Happy New Fear”. “Bacteria”. “Gas Mask”. “Lost Civilization”. “Manipulated Living”. “Panic Attack”. “New World Order”. “Breathe”. “Mindgames”. “Toxin”. “Isolation”.

Psytrancers have also been preparing for the apocalypse since forever. By building awesome, self-sufficient, ecological party utopias far away from rules and regulations (and cities), out in nature, dancing under the sun and the stars 22 hours a day.

My kind of paradise. This is one afternoon at Ozora, 2015.

But unfortunately, even though ravers would be super good at running the world, they have been forced to shut down and abandon all creativity and awesomeness for nine months and counting.

Are you ready for the dark plot twist?

It seems that Justitsministeriets Propagandaafdeling thought that ravers were the problem as much as eighty years ago – way back in 1940.

Clearly someone is having a party behind that window.
Here are a bunch of ravers satirically predicting the 2020 future of mask wearing and finger pointing, Invasion of the Body Snatchers style, at Henry’s Dream seven years ago. Or maybe they are pretending to be The Justitsministeriet Poster of 1940. Who knows. I own a time machine and get confused.

Are you ready for some more time machine confusion?

Coming up is photographic proof that maybe All Our Troubles originates from the mainstream house party. Obviously a place to avoid at all cost, if you can. Just check out the corona style deco at the Sensation White Party back in 2008. That party was quite a scary experience. Some of the 27.000 people attending had even paid 40.000 dkk for a ‘platinum table’. I will call this ‘unhealthy vibes’ and leave it at that.

Same event. Yup, everyone is wearing hospital clothes and that’s a face mask anno 2020 popping up to the right. I have said it many times and I will say it again: Stay away from mainstream house parties. And mainstream techno parties. And mainstream anything.

If you want to read what I felt about that event back in 2008, the link is at the end of your scroll, after all the pics.

Okay, let’s go all in on the time machine business and let the plot thicken even more.
This is Chriszka the Time Traveller, sensing that something is wrong with the food markets in China in 2004.
And here is more proof that proper ravers predict the future. Here’s a raver, dressed up for danger 2020-style – face mask and plastic – in 2006.
Light technology from the future! But in the past! Here’s Chriszka the Time Traveller opening a high tech door with no hands, 2020 style, in Shanghai 16 years ago.
Here’s Svingsen, testing out a full glass bowl face cover several decades ago (and not approving).
Here’s the Strøm Festival, kicking of the 2013 edition with a magical one hour concert at Tietgen-kollegiet
– with every single musician isolated in their own room. If it HAS to be done, do it like this!
Here’s Chriszka the Time Traveller predicting the 2020 future by choosing to go out with no head at all.
No breath and no nose = no masks needed!
Here’s proof that ravers did fun things with gloves way back in 1998. Private party style!

Seriously, ravers should be in charge of everything.

They can party ABSOLUTELY ANYWHERE if they have to. Not allowed to be inside buildings anymore? No problem. Give us a two square meters of asphalt and we will squeeze the party right in.
Or give us a container. Ravers can turn anything into something nice. This is RAW, 2008.
Ravers are better at wearing full body covers. (This is Fusion, 2008).
Ravers are better at wearing mosquito nets for full face protection and still having fun at parties.
Ravers are better at decorating the world. Aren’t you tired of the boring Hold Afstand-stickers on the floors? Let’s add some color and glow-in-the-dark vibes if we have to! This is Lucy Love, ready for the apocalypse in her junglistic camouflage gear.
Ravers are better at dressing up in interesting ‘corona’ clothes.
Ravers are better at not traveling anywhere but just pretending to and still having fun. (This is Nadsat, btw).
Ravers are better at bringing their own doctors to the parties.
Ravers are better at ‘social distancing’. (LOL). Even on the dance floors. Just wear stilts! This is Boom, 2012.
Ravers are better at everything.
Give us back our world. Plz.
(This is Turmbühne, 2008).

For more reasons why ravers should be in charge of everything, I highly recommend that you read The Seven Best Things About Being A Raver.

For even more raver mask creativity, catch up on yesterday’s post right here: Blasts from the Past: Back When Masks Were Fun.

Want more wonderful moments from the past? Check out Blasts from the Past: The Pirate Party Pack.

Can’t get enough of junglists? Meet some excellent ones (and enjoy the old pics) in The Secret Junglists.

Were you at the Strøm concert with Mike Sheridan and Det Danske Ungdomsensemble in 2013? Travel back by reading my review right here. (I was VERY happy).

If you want to read my article on the Sensation White phenomenon in 2008, here’s my article, reporting from the front line: Finanskrisen skal festes væk.

See you tomorrow where things get WIIIIIIIIIIIIILD.

1 Comments on “How to be a Raver: Preparing for the Apocalypse”

  1. Pingback: How to be a Raver: The Sunglasses Special | Christina Majcher

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